“If we don’t see our spouse as a treasure, we will never mine through our marriage.”
Crater of Diamonds State Park in Arkansas is a unique place. It is one of the only places in the world that is open to the public for mining for real diamonds.
There are many gemstones and minerals also found there, but it’s the opportunity to find real diamonds that draw up to 1500 people each day. In fact, over 33,000 diamonds have been found since the park opened in 1972.
It’s a place we are hoping to visit now that our kids are big enough and interested in searching for rocks and gems. The appeal is not in getting dirty, we can do that in the back yard. Neither is the appeal in how the area looks, how accessible it is, or if it’s near one of our favorite vacation spots. The appeal is in discovering something exciting. To unearth something of value.
Marriage is a little like the Crater of Diamonds State Park. It can get a little busy, it can get a little messy, and it can most definitely be a lot of work. Just as the 37 acre state park holds valuable gems, including diamonds, our marriages hold valuable nuggets of joy and satisfaction. To expect to walk out onto the eroded volcanic crater surface to see diamonds just sitting there on the surface would be silly. You have to search. You have to learn a little about the terrain. It might even be helpful to talk to someone who has been there before. It is the same in marriage. We all fall in love with the idea of what our marriage could be. The problem for many comes when it becomes hard work, and the best marriages work hard at being great.
A good marriage is no accident, nor does it happen by chance or luck. A great marriage happens by having the right plan. It’s only the two of you. You have one person to figure things out with. Here are a few things it takes to find the treasure in your marriage.
A DESIRE FOR THE RELATIONSHIP
You must want a good marriage. I believe on our wedding day most of us desired a good relationship. Then as the pendulum swung in the other direction many began to wonder if they should get out and find a better relationship. There are two things to keep in mind, first the individual that is your spouse, and second, the relationship that is your marriage. The key to a building a great marriage is that you both want the relationship itself to be great. This takes the evaluation off of the individual and all their flaws and places it on the health of you two together. By doing this you find a way to see the best in each other rather than the worst. In turn, you’ll begin see the treasure inside each other rather than the dirt you’ve come to judge.
You have to communicate. Ignoring the issue and each other never works out well because you never resolve the issues, and I know what you’re thinking, “it’s the same argument and discussion every time!” You’re tired of talking about that thing. Those one or two things that seem to always be the point of contention. You still have to keep talking about it. Preferably when you are in a peaceable situation rather than the heat of the moment.
A BREAK FROM THE ROUTINE
Do something different. If everyday is the same, you’ll always be the same. Let’s be better, together! Get a babysitter and just sit at a coffee house together. Go for a hike in the woods. Stay at a local hotel instead of traveling far away. Just do something different. You need to have a spontaneity in your relationship. It is not easy for many, but it’s valuable for your marriage.
DOING MORE THAN FEELING
The biggest detriment to our marriages is many have resigned themselves to the idea that they will never feel “in love” again. This causes us to not be loving. It means less romance, less spontaneity, and less intentionality. You will find yourself on cruise control with little excitement along the way. When you do what love does, you will feel what love feels.
Let’s mine for the treasure in our marriages! It’s there. Maybe you have forgotten what it’s like to have the excitement. It’s time to reclaim what made our hearts skip a beat to start with. Roll up your sleeves and let’s mine our marriages.
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